Diary of Life: The First Day of Forever
“We were neither what we had been nor what we would become once we reached our destination.”
― Jeff VanderMeer, Annihilation
What a year and you know what I am very proud of me.
Is everything perfect no, and thats ok because I am a lot farther than from where I did start and I can see the long road ahead and Im excited for how life will unfold what it can and will be. So now that i’m here at the precipice of my ending and new beginning I am embracing all of what I know I can give because I am ready to make space to build the life I have earned and am blessed to receive full of love and lust and life and family and friends.
Here in this last day of 2024 under the absent light of a fortuitous black moon I captain my self forward as I leave behind this version of me… raising my anchor with all the chains I thought were holding me down but who in truth were grounding me. I accomplished so many things and I am allowed to proud of the choices I have made and I am also equally allowed to mourn and grieve all the mistakes I made the friends and family who’s path nor longer travel with me who I hope I get to see at the final end.
I will not recount or retell my shortcomings this year I have thrown them up and digested them more times than I would like to please. I will instead write my oracles for what’s ahead…a new era of life one that combines all the power I have so desperately misplaced. A new space that I have never existed in one of personal totality. Typing this I can feel all the past version of me who have made this same promise and who have failed but they didn’t really fail now did they did we did me…I carry their keys with me now…no hanged man or fool and yet I still am but maybe just maybe a little less foolish still eager to grow and learn.
So if I am not what I have been nor what I will become I am something all together greater, I simply am. This year is the year of my joy of embracing that scared little boy and in my action I will find satisfaction in my raw real passion that the cruel parts of this world never owned me, maybe it did chew me up but it spit me out because it could not swallow me whole.
…To the first day of forever here goes everything. xoxo love always Bbb